Saturday, March 05, 2011

Yes, A Man and A Woman Can Be "Just Friends"

Since I can totally relate to this article written a couple or years ago, I decided to repost it here.

Things Learned From Intergender Friendships
by Mariel G. Calalo

HE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes, loving a person doesn’t mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the rest of your life doesn’t mean you have to end up marrying them. Can a man and a woman just be friends? I’d say yes and they should be.


Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don’t flatter yourself. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don’t automatically assume that it’s because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be the principle you’ll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend, you’re gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.


Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na. There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you. It doesn’t mean he is courting you. Don’t put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he’s courting you or not. Because I think if he is, you won’t have to guess, you’ll know and you’ll be very certain about it.


Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na. You don’t befriend a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when he talks to you, or you’re probably very patient listening to him. The two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it’s nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don’t have to automatically put romantic connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It’s just coffee and a shared interest.


Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya.This is the most amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because your friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you describe your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk), “lakas amats mo na for repapips!” Let me just say this, at least from my own personal experience, I’m just nearsighted, I haven’t gone blind. I can still appreciate God’s creation! However, there will always be weird things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from having a crush on him. First of all, you’d know his history with women, enough to judge what’s good for you. Second, don’t you just hate it when a guy who’s absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces the word country as “kawntri” and the word mango as “meynggo.” Call me crazy for judging a person just because he can’t pronounce these words right. I admit, I’m crazy.


Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you’d end up being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory… There are a thousand, no million different reasons why things don’t always turn out that way. There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you. He probably plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.


A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily mean equate to a date.Especially if you’re paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want real food and a place where you could really talk things through. Don’t go out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you’re really serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a “filler” just because you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might as well go out. Topic. Ha! You wouldn’t be talking about chikang artista, chikang opisina or argue if the one girl’s boobs are real or not. You would be probably talking about sensible, quite personal stuff.


I therefore conclude that platonic relationships are never complicated; people just have tendencies to complicate them.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

One of the Boys


Last week during dinner I was telling my mom stories about my closest male friends and how successful they are now with their family and career. Then my mom asked, "no one from your friends even tried to court you?" To which my sister gave a resounding "noooooooo!" Her reaction was understandable.

I met these guys when I was still a teenager. And I must say that I learned a lot from them, from the simplest things to the most complicated ones. They taught me that hard drinks/liquors can give you a bad headache more than a beer can. They also taught me that no matter how drunk or tired you are due to last night's gimmick, you should never take school or work for granted, and family should always come first. But the most unforgettable thing that i learned from them was how to spot the guy who has good intentions and the one who's just after some thing.


Some people say it is impossible for a man and a woman who are very close to each other to be "just friends" - I disagree. Well, there were attempts of flirtations on the first few days. We were young then, everything was exciting and of course boys will be boys. They were curious with the new girl. But the attempts died down real soon, because after all, it was obvious that friendship was all I could offer. And then the fun began. We would talk over the phone until our ears become so red and sweaty, would hang out until the wee hours of the morning (did I mention that I was the only girl in the group?), and at one time even had an out of town trip with them (which I would NEVER EVER let my niece or my future female child do!). The best (or should I say worst?) part of it was, I had to lie for them to their flings and girlfriends. That's why their girlfriends during those times either hate me or love me, or at times would hate me first before they start to love me. With the closeness that I have with these guys, no teenage girl would ever understand the kind of friendship that I have with their boyfriends. There was even one time that this guy and his then girlfriend was fighting and my name was brought up. The girlfriend blurted out "and she knows you better than I do!" Oooops...sorry not my fault. There was also one time when this friend's girlfriend demanded that he stay away from me. His answer was clear, "she has been my friend even before I met you so you just have to trust me." But one thing that makes me feel really special then was everytime a friend would start dating someone seriously, he would eagerly introduce me to the girl and say "meet the group's bestfriend."

Now everyone's married. Their wives like me. I'm the godmother to their kids. I do not join them in their "boys night out" anymore (you wouldn't wanna know what kind of fun they're into now). And yes, I'm the only one who has remained single. You see, they taught me well. Too well that I try to analyze men too much and forget what "carpe diem" means. Who would want a selfish and interrogator girlfriend?! Hahaha! Someone told me that maybe it would be better if I just pretend that I don't know that much about men and their game. I thought about that too. But here's the problem now, the choices have dwindled to zero. I am not dating anyone. What used to be "single by choice" has become "single by fate." But seriously, I am not complaining. I will not trade my friendship with those guys for anything. Even if my toughness sometimes vary from being an asset to a liability, I still do not regret being one of the boys.
Custom Search