Life...

The other night, I was exchanging text messages with a friend I met a year ago. And as I read his messages and replies, the more I thought about how unfair life can be. No reason for me to get mad at him, yet anger and pain still pushed their way in. Fine, he's nice actually, and probably I'm maldita, still, I was (still am) haunted and kinda disgusted with the idea that I'm stuck in reverse and lost even, while I'm faced with some guy's imperfection yet nearing the finish line. Arrrrgh!

And then...whoa! He broke the news that one of our acquaintances died of heart attack more than two months ago. From pangs of acrimony, I suddenly became dazed. There I was almost gritting my teeth wondering why do I have to be always the victim of series of unfortunate events and until when do I have to traverse the broken map of the clueless beings, while the other guy (R.I.P.) did not and could no longer enjoy the other good stuff in life.

I don't wanna be a hypocrite or anything close to that. I felt twinges of conscience, and that's for sure. However, was I evil in saying that at least he didn't feel the pain of losing and stumbling and that on the brighter side, he's now in a place where he could be more at peace than having to face all the monstrosities in reaching the goal which no one can tell who deserves it? I know that's so insensitive of me. But come to think of it, despite the limited time he had, he could be happier now.

Don't get me wrong. I will forever be grateful for the gift of life and I have no immediate intention of trading the good life here on earth with perpetual bliss in the after life. It's just that I took the bitter pill much later than the others. =(