The (Fading) American Dream
Last night while i was washing some cups, Kris, my cousin, asked me if i'm okay. Naturally, i said yes, but i realized that he wouldn't ask me that unless he noticed something. He said i look sad...
It has been a week since i left Ninoy Aquino International Airport and arrived at Tom Bradley International Airport. I am always excited for travel plans whether local or abroad, but this one is different. This is the first time that i had a heavy luggage as well as a heavy heart. To some, it is a dream come true, they call it "the American Dream", but for me...I really don't know. I will not deny that I had that dream once but when i got here, my eyes saw what i failed to see when i was here years ago. Then, it was just rides and buying souvenir items at Disneyland and Universal Studios, slot machines at Las Vegas, a walk on the Waikiki Beach, and a ferry boat ride around Alcatraz. Now, it's the travel time from one place to another, spending less or not spending at all, how to speak the way the Americans could understand you or even getting used to the Mexican accent.
I am here not to be an illegal worker. Like what Jay-R said in his interview with YES! Magazine, "you have to leave home to grow." I read that during my dilemma, and it is one of the signs that i took. For almost three decades, i lived a life of standards, i guess now is the time to break away with the standards but still maintain moral and social acceptability. Of course i still want to give my parents a comfortable and worry-less if not worry-free life. At least now i could still do that and think more about myself at the same time.
Five months is still 5 months. What might happen tomorrow could change my life forever, but as of now, one thing's for sure, even if the INS would give me an E-1-1 or O visa,i'll be home for Christmas...
**From my Friendster blog written July 19, 2005. This was when I decided I needed some soul searching and stayed in the U.S. for five months.
It has been a week since i left Ninoy Aquino International Airport and arrived at Tom Bradley International Airport. I am always excited for travel plans whether local or abroad, but this one is different. This is the first time that i had a heavy luggage as well as a heavy heart. To some, it is a dream come true, they call it "the American Dream", but for me...I really don't know. I will not deny that I had that dream once but when i got here, my eyes saw what i failed to see when i was here years ago. Then, it was just rides and buying souvenir items at Disneyland and Universal Studios, slot machines at Las Vegas, a walk on the Waikiki Beach, and a ferry boat ride around Alcatraz. Now, it's the travel time from one place to another, spending less or not spending at all, how to speak the way the Americans could understand you or even getting used to the Mexican accent.
I am here not to be an illegal worker. Like what Jay-R said in his interview with YES! Magazine, "you have to leave home to grow." I read that during my dilemma, and it is one of the signs that i took. For almost three decades, i lived a life of standards, i guess now is the time to break away with the standards but still maintain moral and social acceptability. Of course i still want to give my parents a comfortable and worry-less if not worry-free life. At least now i could still do that and think more about myself at the same time.
Five months is still 5 months. What might happen tomorrow could change my life forever, but as of now, one thing's for sure, even if the INS would give me an E-1-1 or O visa,i'll be home for Christmas...
**From my Friendster blog written July 19, 2005. This was when I decided I needed some soul searching and stayed in the U.S. for five months.
posted by Olie at 10:33 PM
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